It has been a year now…

 Someone told me that it gets easier after the year mark. I suppose the reality of being alone is more real and life has a way of moving on in its details. The first Christmas, the first winter, the first spring, my first birthday, our first anniversary all have passed and my life has taken on its own rhythm. I am learning to really be alone and to develop friendships that do not include Steve. I am grateful for lovely, friendly  neighbors  who are kind to me.

On June 13 my friend and I travelled to Star Valley, WY to the cemetery in Freedom, ID. Steve’s birthday and the anniversary of his death. The weather could not have been more perfect for travelling. We enjoyed  blue sunny skies punctuated with amazing cloud formations and moderate weather. The grass has been put down over Steve’s grave but it will likely take another year or two to really settle. But the headstone looked good and I was able to sit on my lawn chair for awhile listening to the wind in the trees behind me. It is such a lovely cemetery with such a beautiful vista.

It was the perfect opportunity for me to think and  to reflect. Steve really is gone but we had a great life together. I miss him and will do so the rest of my life. But I left the gravesite feeling like I could move forward in my life. I still have much to enjoy in the years to come. So grateful for my children and grandchildren who are so kind and loving to me.

Our headstone on a beautiful day!

We enjoyed a good visit with Steve’s brother and his wife. It was such a nice feeling to still be included as a part of the family. We stayed in a really cute cabin at Cabin Creek in Thayne, WY. Will definitely stay there again. We had our own private cabin with 2 queen beds, bathroom and kitchenette with couch and it was so clean. Next morning we headed to the StarValley Temple in Afton, WY. It is such a tiny but beautiful temple and it was good to be in attendance there.

Star Valley Temple of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Afton, Wyoming.

The week earlier our Alabama family had come for a visit which resulted in a family gathering at the club house across the street. I love that there are such nice amenities here! We had just over 30 family members in attendance and that made me happy. There is nothing better than family! I am so blessed!

Now I am 3 days away from flying to Toronto to begin our sister adventures! For many months my sisters and I have researched and planned this trip. We will touch parts of Ontario, Quebec, Nova Scotia, New Brunswick, Prince Edward Island and NewFoundland. There are so many awesome things to see and do.

So, my life continues on. It is still strange to not have Steve here waiting to learn what I have been doing. I often find myself thinking I can ‘hardly wait to tell Steve’ but of course he is not here to tell. And I still catch myself waiting for him to walk through the door and give me a hug. I miss him still.

I have learned, going through this process of better understanding myself and of pondering so many things, that the Savior loves me and loves all of us. I feel His love. This has been reinforced through my experiences and observation of  the many people around me who are also struggling with their own issues. My compassion and charity have increased and I try my best to be kind to all I meet often sensing their struggles. I am grateful for our Savior who has provided the way for us to overcome.