Still trying

I often feel like I am in a time warp where nothing is completely real. It has been 7 months now since Steve has been gone and it is still surreal. And I miss him and his great hugs! A few times when I really needed a hug I have taken his black hoodie and hugged myself with it.

 Fifty-five years ago there was a massive snow storm on January 24th. I had been cleaning what was soon to be our first home while Steve spent some time with his friends. About midnight he came to drive me back to my apartment. We drove by many  students snow ball fights in the heavy snow. 

The next day was to be our wedding day and we woke to a LOT of snow. I was trying to get ready when the power went out. Thankfully I had showered, dried my hair and was mostly dressed but the rest of my preparation was done by flash light and a mirror perched on the kitchen table. Our Temple Sealing appointment was for 9 AM so we did not have a lot of time. While I was getting ready Steve got up, got ready and shoveled off the car which was covered with  about 1 foot of snow. Then he walked back to get his things from the house so he could pick me up. To his dismay when he came out a snow plow had gone down the street and totally buried the car!

His neighbor came out and helped him dig the car out. But that was not the end of the excitement. When he got to my apartment  driveway which was not shoveled the car got STUCK in the snow. This time my pajama wearing roommates came to the rescue to push the car out. Finally we were on our way to pick up Steve's sister and his friend to drive to Salt Lake City. The freeway was oddly empty of cars but there was a lot of packed snow. Thankfully we did make it and on time. Many of our invited guests were unable to navigate the roads so we were a small group, only 13 of us. But most importantly we were able to be sealed for time and all eternity on January 25, 1967 in the Salt Lake Temple of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Our years together were filled with many adventures, much excitement, many trials, many miracles, accompanied by love, tears and laughter and wonderful children, grandchildren and great grandchildren joining us along the way. At last count we have a posterity of 72 plus the 2 of us for a total family of 74. I wish we could all be together again but with distance and finances it will likely never happen. I really wanted a good family picture of all of us, but...

I am so grateful for my children and grandchildren who often come to visit and appear to like spending time with me. I enjoyed family time in Alabama and Georgia over the Thanksgiving holiday. I enjoyed a few days in Newport Beach that my brother so generously provided. The ocean was amazing as was my visit with my brother and his family. Then my daughter and her family came over Christmas. Most Sundays find one of the families here for dinner and a visit. I can't imagine how empty life would be without their love and support.

This new stage of life continues to present learning curves and challenges. I am still watching too much TV but that seems to be my "zone out" place when I get too stressed. It is still hard to get to sleep at night and I often find myself awake until the wee hours of the morning. Gradually I am working to get on a schedule. I am still doing some personal training, some walking, and some organizing. I want to set a schedule to practice the piano at least 15 minutes per day so  I do not forget how to play and to keep my fingers flexible. I want to figure out an exercise regimen to do at home. I want to increase my scripture reading and include some other reading. And I need to learn to cook again. Cooking for ONE is much different especially when I need to make sure I do not eat too many carbs so my blood sugar can be lower. My diabetes is a bit of a problem.

There is never a lack of things to do. My problem is having enough emotional energy to get myself in gear. Sometimes I just can't. And I have not been able to cry yet for the loss of my husband. My therapist says it will come someday but I think I have steeled my heart so I will not notice that is is broken.

But I am truly grateful for my many blessings! I am so grateful for  the Gospel of Jesus Christ and the Plan of Salvation. I am grateful for my faith. I am grateful for the love and support of family and friends.

Happy Anniversary to me! I will go to the Ogden Temple for our anniversary.