56 years ago on a cold winter's day Steve and I were married in the Salt Lake Temple of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Although we were young and naive, Steve was 21 and I was 19, we were full of faith in the Lord and love for each other. It was our desire to raise up a family to the Lord and to live so that our sealing in the temple would allow our family to be together forever.
We had no idea what the future would bring but felt confident that together we could make it. Our years were filled with many miracles but also many hard times. We were blessed with 10 beautiful, healthy children who have grown up to be amazing humans and who seem to have mostly forgiven us for all of our parenting mistakes. It is a joy when I am able to be with them and their families. I know that Steve would have enjoyed this time of continued association with our families. But it was not to be. The Lord had other plans for him.
It has now been 1 year and 7 months since Steve died and I miss him. This time of being alone, and especially as I have been recovering from this back surgery, has provided ample opportunity to reflect and remember. I have been reading old journals from the 1980's. Steve was a great journal keeper and wrote almost every single day. His entries help me remember so much. We had so many adventures together. We lived in Utah, Illinois, Colorado, Arizona, Texas, Washington, before finally settling back in Utah. When Steve retired his co-workers asked if we would now travel and he said "likely not" and yet we did travel. We visited Hawaii, Australia, Denmark, Canada, Germany, Wales, Ireland, Scotland, England and many states in the US.
Steve was truly the 'wind beneath my wings' and my 'safe harbor'. He supported me and encouraged me as I ventured out of my comfort zone. He loved me unconditionally. His healing hugs often saved my sanity. I am grateful for the 54 years, 4 months and 19 days we had together. Before he died I told him that he "was the best thing that every happened to me" and I meant it.
Now I rely on strengthening memories to sustain me as I move out of my comfort zone. Ironically one of the things that has been hard for me is driving. It is so weird because I was the primary driver for many years after Steve had his accident in 1998. I drove thousands of miles all over the US and Europe, plus on the "other side of the road" in Australia and the UK. But getting behind the wheel after he died was hard. It is becoming more natural now but I have yet to drive over 200 miles. I hope that will change as I would like to drive to see our granddaughter's family in Wyoming and to see our children in Denver.
So, I press forward, still trying to figure out just who I am now. Thankfully I have my family, my friends, a comfortable home in which to live, a good car and the means to do some traveling. I appreciate all Steve did to provide for me. On this anniversary I will begin a new journey by taking a cruise with our oldest daughter. It seems that going during this anniversary time would be a comforting and diverting experience. Steve had absolutely no desire to ever go on a cruise - so this is brand new experience for me.
I am grateful for our marriage in the temple those 56 years ago and for my testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ that provides the way for families to be together forever. Someday I will be with Steve again and feel his healing hugs.
No comments:
Post a Comment